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Master Tao,the mystical guide-"When the ripe plum falls the turtle giggles"
Some woman on QI-(About Anne Robinson's new face arf arf)"She looks like a siamese cat out in a storm!"
Bill Bailey-(on how 35% of Americans get their info about the world from celebrities)"There's this celebrity in America called Rosie O'Donnel, she's a talk show host and she said "I don't know anything about Afghanistan but I know its full of terrorists, speaking as a mother". So whats this "speaking as a mother"? Is it a euphanism for "talking outta my arse","suspending rational thought for a moment". As a rational human being AL Quaida are an elusive society of psychopathic zelerts who can be rounded up with a sustained police investigation. But speaking as a parent they're all 8ft tall, they've got lasers under their moustaches, a huge eye in their foreheads and the only way to kill em' is to nuke every country that hasn't sent us a Christmas card in the last 20 years!......Speaking as a mother."
Danni:"When my mum dies she shall be cremated and her ashes will be preserved in essence of vanilla and lavender!"
Jodie:(about an IMAGINARY pizza she and Danni were drawing)"No Danni! Not too many olives! People don't like olives! They ruin the flavour!"
Danni(during prank phone call to Chris, in swedish accent):I don't think the viagra is vorking.......The rabbit has run avay vith my viagra!"
(Hobbit being blond! For once in history! MUAHAHAHA caught off guard!)
Rachel:"So what pizza do you want?"
Hobbit:"I don't mind."
Rachel:"Margerita?"
Hobbit:"Well actually I usually have plain."
Rachel:"....Erm...Margerita IS plain..."
Hobbit:"Why hello there Martha!"
(At school, me, Jodie, Danni, Lucy and Alex walk into the toilets)
Everyone except Danni: *various chatting and grumbling etc*
Danni: "LETS COMPARE BUMS!"
Everyone else: *O.O*
(In history class,Mrs,Foulds writing on board, pen craps up)
Mrs.Foulds:*Stares at pen in peering bewildered manner* "Well ain't that coooool!" *Vagrant hand gesturing*
Me:(About someone in our year whom me and my friends have a considerably low opinion of, she was making REALLY odd facial expressions in the Citizenship lesson...)"She looks like a beady eyed sparrow trapped in a barn about to steal cranberries from the loft...O.O"
(In maths lesson, I was copying one of Jodie's answers cuz I'm a lazy sod)
Jodie:"Well its an easy life for you isn't it?"
Me: "Yes, I'm a happy little trollop x)."
*Silence*
Both of us: "Erm.....wtf? O.O"
(Walking round Kidderminster, Hobbit spots a pigeon)
Hobbit: "A pigeon you say?! How obsurd!"
(In maths lesson, Danni is trying to whisper something to me from a few seats away but im slightly deaf lol)
Danni:"Ew! Did you see Mrs.Mackiesmith's armpits?"
Me:"Beef men?! :S"
Jodie: "Rach! She didn't say that! She said beast men!"
Me: "Beast men?!"
Danni:*Slaps her forehead* "Did you see Mrs.Mackiesmith's armpits?!"
Me: "Beef burning suitcases?! :S"
Danni: "NO! Did you see Mrs.Mackiesmith's armpits?!"
Me: "Beef PACKING suitcases?!"
Danni: "DID YOU SEE MRS.MACKIESMITH'S ARMPITS?!"
Me: OH!......erm nope.
Danni:........O.O
(At school in house assembly, discussing our coffee morning thing we have to do to raise money for cancer research)
Nadeera:Right who's gonna make the cakes!
Jodie and Aimee: Rachel will!
Lottie: *Rolls eyes, with here we go expression on face*
Me: No!
*Few mins later*
Nadeera: We could all dress up as fairies! Does anyone have any fairy or angel wings?
Jodie and Aimee: Rachel does!
Me: No I don't!
Mrs. Preston: Haha
Nadeera: Ok, who's going to dress up as fairies then?
Jodie and Aimee: Rachel will!
Me: NO! I WILL NOT!
Lottie: *More eye rolling*
Nadeera: We need people to sell them too!
Jodie and Aimee: RACHEL WILL!
Me: *Hides face*
Mrs.Preston: I think you have 4 volunteers down here!
4 "Volunteers": NOOOOOO!
Jodie: Rachel will though!
Mrs. Preston: It seems Rachel can do everything...
*After Assembly*
Mr. Dunnington: *Bla bla* Hmmmmm I need someone to help me organize the coffee morning..
Jodie: RACHEL WILL MR.D!
Mr.Dunnington: Really?!
Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
